My wife and I reared two children who are now adults. I look back in retrospect and see the areas where I both succeeded and failed as a father.
My failings have perhaps had a more negative effect on my son than my daughter.
This certainly does not mean that my son is a failure because of my failings as a father. For the most part, although far from perfect as we all are, my son has developed into a good and productive young man who is growing in practically every area of life.
Nevertheless, I know that my failings in certain stages of his life (during the formative years and early stages of his childhood) did not provide the necessary stimulation and fatherly influence that he needed at the time.
Though I have endeavored to compensate and make-up for my failings, I wish that I had done certain fatherly things in the shaping of his character, potential, and purpose when he was much younger.
Thus, this article today is derived from my experiences as a father.
In the following sections of this piece, I will address and briefly consider some of the most common failings of parents who set their children up for failure.
A renown Roman Emperor named Marcus Aurelius (who ruled the Roman Empire from 161 A.D. to 180 A.D.) was reputed to have told his son, who was struggling to measure up to his criteria in order to be his successor, “My failings as a father is your failings as a son.” With that, we are going to consider the first common thing that many parents do to set their children up for failure.
Withholding Corporal Punishment When
It Is Needed
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)
My seven brothers and I are living witnesses to the effectiveness of embracing the practical principle that is contained in the previous passage when rearing children, especially boys.
I was undoubtedly the most headstrong and defiant of all of my parents’ children. Had it not been for both the switch of my mother and especially the belt of my father, I would not be who and where I am today.
I literally avoided getting myself into certain problematic and troublesome situations primarily because I feared my father’s belt.
I am convinced that far too many parents are setting their children up for failure because they withhold corporal punishment from them when it is necessary. Like Dr. James Dobson asserted in his book with the same title, “we must dare to discipline.”
Failure to Instill the Work Ethic at an Early Age
Another area where many parents are setting their children up is the failure to instill in them the work ethic. From a biblical perspective, God gave man a job before he gave him a wife (Genesis 2:15) thus, establishing the principle and practice of the work ethic from the dawn of human history.
Again, using my brothers and me as an example of this vital aspect of effective parenting, perhaps my father’s strongest impact on my life was his enforcement of the work ethic.
At a very early age, my brothers and I were taught the work ethic.
From working in both the tobacco and cotton fields, as well as becoming a part of his work crew of bricklayers and laborers, we had no say-so in the matter.
We had two options: Either get up and go to work or get out. Obviously, we chose the first option and by God’s grace (though not perfect) we all turned out pretty well. Parents, you are setting your children up for failure if you will not instill and enforce within them (when they are old enough) the work ethic. Once they learn, it will benefit them the rest of their lives.
Failure to Teach
Respect for Elders
and Authority
Again, I am going to draw from the way my parents brought my siblings and me up in Newtown in the mid-forties through the sixties.
One of the first things I learned as a young boy was to respect old people (as they were referred to back then) and people in authority (like school teachers, preachers, policemen, etc.).
Never mind if I thought they were wrong (as they occasionally were), it did not matter to my parents. I was to respect them, fall in line, and tell my parents about it when I got home.
In an almost unfair and unconstitutional way, older people and those in authority were right until proven wrong.
Undoubtedly, parents who fail or refuse to teach their children to respect their elders and those in authority are setting them up for failure.
The Failure to Instill Educational and Economic Principles and Practices
The last mistake that I am going to bring to your attention is two-fold and interrelated.
First, they fail to stress the importance of education at an early stage of their children’s lives.
The importance of obtaining an education is imperative to the future and success of every child. Whether one gets a high school diploma that prepares him for the next stage of life or an associate’s degree, bachelor of arts or science degree, or beyond, without the foundation of an education to build upon, one will most likely fail.
Regrettably, far too many of the young adults I personally know who are in and out of trouble never finished high school. Finally, unbeknownst to many parents, they set their children up to fail when they neglect to instill in them how to be good stewards of their money.
Professor Kenneth R. Manning shared something with me once about money that his mother taught him. She instructed him when he was growing up on the three S’s of money. To him, she stressed that “money was made to spend, it was made to save, and it was made to share.”
Like him, I learned how to manage money primarily from my mother.
Parents, if you are neglecting to teach your children the importance of money management, you are setting them up for failure.
