Editor’s Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this column are those of Michael Goings, the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of The Dillon Herald. He is solely responsible for the content of this article.
It is my aim and custom to decide what issue or subject I will consider in my weekly column by how it relates to the average person who will most likely read it. I will maintain that practice today. I am truly appreciative by some of the people who are loyal readers, who I occasionally meet in various public places.
They recognize and encourage me to keep writing the articles. I have been writing articles for well over 40 years. In that time span, I have compiled a collection of well over one thousand articles. What most do not know who asked me where my ideas come from to write these articles every week, is that as a columnist, nonfiction writer of twelve books of a religious nature, and novelist, I was given a special aptitude from God to write. Writing is something that I am both inspired and compelled to do.
Although I am truly thankful by words of affirmation from many who read my work, what drives me is both the innate ability and passion I am possessed by to write.
I will now focus on our topic for today. The issue of family feuds is perhaps as old as man has been upon the Earth.
There are some very common causes why members of the same family often find themselves engaged in confrontation and combat that I will briefly consider.
Jealousy and Envy
According to the inherent and infallible narrative of the Scriptures in the book of Genesis, there is a documented incident that gives an account of (perhaps) the first family feud.
This feud between two brothers was initiated by the oldest named Cain. He became angry at his brother, Abel, because his sacrifice to God was excellent and better than his. Ultimately, his anger led him to commit the first murder in human history.
I believe also that it was jealousy and envy that instigated Cain to a state of rage and ultimately murder. In light of this, many feuds have been ignited in families by sheer jealousy and envy.
Wills and Inheritances
High on the list of common causes for feuds are wills and inheritances. Many feuds between relatives have been started on the basis of wills and inheritances.
This is because one individual received more property or money than another or something they did not get (like a treasured heirloom) that they desperately wanted went to another. I have had to serve as a mediator and broker of peace between relatives and friends who were feuding for various reasons. In my experience, some of the most challenging cases to handle were those involving wills and inheritances.
These feuds have divided more families and friendships than about anything else I know of. In many cases, they have never been reunited.
Divorces
If I had to select the most common feud instigator, it would be divorce. The very fact that a divorce is a death blow to a union between a husband and wife, which often has an adverse effect on children, puts it in the class of being the most consequential and detrimental type of feuding. In such spousal strife, the greatest losers are the children (if they have any), and the greatest winners are the lawyers.
In my opinion, many divorced people, in retrospect, sincerely wish they had been able to work things out and stay together rather than to have experienced the agony and detriment that getting a divorce wreaked upon them and others involved. To any married person who is contemplating a divorce based on irreconcilable differences, please consider this: Again, in my opinion, it is often cheaper (emotionally, economically and socially) to work things out and stay married than to get a divorce.
Ideological, Theological, and Doctrinal Issues
In this final section, I want to consider three things that have produced much friction and fighting in families that many avoid discussing. Each of these, though they are distinct in their definitions, are similar and overlap one another categorically. Ideological, theological, and doctrinal issues and beliefs are often bones of contention and division that spark many family feuds. There have been and are to this day family members who are feuding over issues that fit into this category. I recently came across some very regrettable information of a father and son’s dispute over a theological and doctrinal issue within a church that was so sharp that it caused a rift between them. For what I know about them (as one looking in from the outside), they are both godly men with a good reputation in both the sacred and secular sectors. I can truly empathize with their case since I have been in similar situations more than once over theological and doctrinal issues with a few of my mentorees and prodigies. In all such cases, as the elder in these contentious situations, I have had to pray continually and walk in love toward them. In almost all of these cases (though some never came back to the church), there was no doubt in their hearts about my love for them.
I have learned to live by these very prudent and practical words of Augustine of Hippo: “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.”
