With Father’s Day being just a few days away, I want to focus my attention and effort on something that will instruct and inspire all the fathers out there to be the best father they can possibly be to their children. Admittedly, as a father, I am not a flawless and perfect example, although my daughter and son have rated me a perfect 10 (on a scale from one to ten) as a father. My son (who is a lot like me in that he likes to tease and jest) will often give me a low rating as a father just to come back and say, “Dad, I give you a 10!” I truly appreciate both of them for rating me so high as their father, but I know that I am not deserving of a perfect score.
I wanted to think of someone who I could use as the face of this article you are reading today. Someone who, as a father, exemplifies the points and practices I am illustrating in my column today. Pastor Robert Roundtree, who I have known for nearly 40 years, became the ideal man. I have witnessed him grow over the years as a young father (when I first met him in 1978 at Fort Bragg, North Carolina) into a seasoned and very effective father, grandfather, and even great-grandfather. Few fathers, who I know capture and express what I am endeavoring to say in this piece today, as he does. With that having been said, I will proceed to briefly share with you the four stages of effective fatherhood.
The Stage of Being a Caregiver
I believe that one of the best ways to judge or determine whether a man with children is a good father can be proven by how he takes care of his children’s most basic needs. Though this is not the only yardstick for measuring whether one is a good father, it is certainly the fundamental standard. One can not certify as a good gather, if he does not provide food, clothing, shelter, and protection for his children. Such care and provisions may fail to be in the upper- or middle-class status; however, if a man is a father of one or more children, he must make sure that he is doing all he can to meet and maintain the basic needs of his children in an honest and legitimate fashion. Good fathers do not resort to selling drugs, stealing, or any immoral or criminal activities to provide for the needs of their children. They work legitimate jobs for honest wages. I have observed this in Pastor Roundtree ever since I have known him.
The Stage of
Being a Cop
Every good father will go through the stage of being a cop or policeman. This is the time when he establishes what is the law and order of the home, school, culture, and beyond. Good fathers teach their children how important it is to obey and observe the rules and regulations of any environment or establishment – beginning at home. They instill within their children at an early age to obey and comply with the law or suffer the consequences. The father as the cop should be the primary enforcer of the law of the home, if he lives in the same house with his children. If he does not, he should be included in any disciplinary strategy when and wherever it is possible. Pastor Roundtree has fulfilled this role in his children’s lives when they were growing up. He did not spare the rod in regard to corporal punishment and fully established with each of his five children (three girls and two boys) to comply with the rules and regulations of his home, the school, the church, and the civic authorities. If they failed to do so, they suffered the consequences beginning with him and their mother chastening them with the rod of rebuke.
The Stage of
Being a Coach
The third stage of being an effective father is the period of being a coach. Since life is like an athletic contest or event, every child must learn the rules of the game of life and how to compete against opponents and all forces of opposition. Fathers, it is your responsibility to be your children’s first and most fundamental life’s coach. Others, like teachers, coaches, pastors, and youth pastors can assist you in a supplemental way. However, they can not take the place of you and their mother. It will be your instructions and influences that will be the most effective and far-reaching. This principle and practice have proven to be true in the case of the Roundtree Family.
The Stage of
the Counselor
If you are parents with adult children (as my wife and I are), you have learned by experience that your responsibility as parents did not cease when they reached adulthood and moved out on their own. The final stage of being an effective father is the stage of being a counselor. This is the stage where you must respect their individuality, independence, and right to make their own decisions about life’s issues, even if you disagree with their choices. At this stage, you hope and pray that all of the influence and input that you shared with them about life will help to determine their important decisions and navigate the course of their lives. Whatever the case, you will remain their father and be ready to give them sound advice both when they ask for it and sometimes even when they do not. Perhaps, since fathers like me, Pastor Roundtree, and so many other good fathers love their children and look out for their well-being. This will be a responsibility and practice that we will maintain until we die.
Looking for Direction
As a pastor I frequently encourage people to look for spiritual lessons in their daily lives. There are at least two reasons for this. First, the person must keep God and His word (the Bible) constantly in their thoughts. Second, this helps with life application of God’s word. This is beneficial for the believer and for those that they come in contact with on a daily basis.
I had such an event this past weekend at our church sponsored Relay for Life 5k run/walk event. Prior to the start, the organizer of this event gave a brief overview of the course. He told us along the route there would be signs pointing us in the right direction and there would also be volunteers at some intersections to ensure that we remained on the course. At the end of the race, although we were tired, we were able to finish because we had directions.
The Bible compares our life to running a race (1 Corinthians 9:24; Galatians 5:7; 2 Timothy 4:7; Hebrews 12:1). The Bible offers direction to ensure that we remain on course. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Often while running the race of life people will come to a fork in the road and have a difficult time to determine which is the right direction. There is not an obvious directional sign like we had in the 5k race. Jesus knew that there would be days like this in our lives and He addressed this in the Sermon on the Mount. “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matthew 7:13-14).
The strait and narrow path represents a life of a Christian. This is a person that is seeking God on a daily basis. This does not imply perfection; this implies examining your heart. Am I attempting to live my life like Jesus daily? This will not always be easy. Our enemy, the devil, will be there to tempt you to stray from the path and take the other road, the broad way. This path represents the world and the sin that is within the world. This is the popular path that people travel. There are no rules or boundaries.
There is a difference in the destinations. The broad path leads to destruction. Jesus describes this place as hell, a place of everlasting fire (Matthew 25:41), a place of darkness (Matthew 8:12; 22:13; 25:30), the weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matthew 8:12; 13:42,50; 22:13; 24:51; 25:30; Luke 13:28). The strait and narrow path leads to life.
This is speaking of eternal life with Jesus Christ (Matthew 19:17; 25:46; John 3:15-17, 36; 5:24, 39; 6:40; 14:6; 17:3).
The Bible offers direction in our daily lives and God has placed spiritual mentors at various intersections to ensure that you remain on course. Ultimately, the decision is yours. Are you at a fork in the road in your life? What will determine the path you take? Where will your path lead to? Will it be life or destruction? Jesus loves you and wants you to take the strait and narrow path.
