Why Mothers Receive More Honor Than Fathers
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)
“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise – so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:2-3)
Due to the fact that Mother’s Day is only a few days away, it is only fitting that I devote my column today in an effort or expression of honor to mothers. In an endeavor to get the input of others about our subject matter, I did a random survey of a cross section of people of diverse races, genders, and professions. I asked each one I surveyed to give me one reason why mothers are revered or honored more than fathers, even though the Bible places the honor of fathers first and mothers second. There is a rule in Scripture called the “principle of first mentioned”. This principle sets forth that the person or thing that is mentioned first in a verse or narrative has more prominence than what follows. Though this was not always the case, it was certainly true with the two complimentary passages we began with, as well as when the twelve Apostles of Christ are mentioned in the Four Gospels. Each person in my survey gave me one compelling reason why, in their estimation, mothers receive greater honor than fathers in our culture. Most of the responses were very complimentary to one another. I will now give you four of the most compelling reasons from my survey. Though this is the case with all ethnic groups in our culture, it is an emphatic and unquestionable fact with African Americans.
Not long ago, one of the officers of the state’s penal institution in Bennettsville, South Carolina shared some startling information with our prison ministry team about the stark contrast of inmates request for cards on Mother’s Day compared to Father’s Day. On Mother’s Day, they often do not have enough cards for all of the inmates, whereas on Father’s Day, only a few of the cards in their supply are requested. This contrast in the prison population is compelling evidence that mothers are held in much higher esteem than fathers are by the overwhelming majority of people. Though there are some exceptions to this truth, the facts and statistics vastly prove that mothers are honored above fathers in our culture. The following are only a few of the reasons why.
The Maternal Bonding Effect
When it comes to the relationship of a mother with a child compared to that of its father, the mother has an advantage on intimacy with the child, due to the fact that it is in her womb that the child is conceived and grows until the time of birthing. It is at this early stage of life that a maternal bond is formed and will continue to grow between the mother and baby she’s carrying in her womb. Except something unnatural or abnormal is in effect or transpires during pregnancy, this bond between mother and child will remain intact even after the child is born. So in a real and biological way, the child will naturally be closer to its mother from the time of conception to birthing than it will be to its father. This factor alone is one of the primary reasons why mothers are held in a higher place of honor than are most fathers.
Mothers Are Almost Always There Regardless
This is one of the reasons cited by most of the people I surveyed. In various ways of saying it, almost all of the people that I interviewed said that of their two parents, it was their mother who was the one who seemed to always be there regardless of what they were involved in or going through. Whether it was school, church, or some other involvement, mothers have by far, to the shame of many fathers, been much more supportive and encouraging to their children. This is certainly the case when it comes to most African American children who are being reared in single parent families without the presence of fathers. Regrettably, it is estimated that a disturbing and whopping seventy percent of African American children are being brought up without their fathers in the house. To their credit, many fathers who do not live in the same house with their children for whatever the reason have managed to escape the “dead-beat dad syndrome” and are actively and continually involved in their lives. However, it is a very rare and almost exceptional occurrence to witness those type of fathers.
Mothers Are More Compassionate and Caring
Is being compassionate and caring more of a female quality or should men demonstrate characteristics as well, especially when it comes to dealing with and rearing children? The answer according to all the experts and the supreme authority (The Bible) is yes. Being a man should not make you less compassionate and caring for your children as their mother. Having and showing compassion and care transcends gender, race, and culture. One of the primary reasons why children give more honor to their mothers than their fathers is because mothers gave them more compassion and tender loving care (TLC) when they were growing up. In most cases, mothers are still one of the primary sources of encouragement, compassion, and care even when children are grown, married, and out on their own. I may not be scoring one hundred on the test of showing compassion and care for my two grown children, but I am aiming at it.
Mothers Are More Sacrificial
This is certainly an area of parenting and motherhood where my mother stood out when my siblings and I were growing up. I thank God for my father and the essential role he played in my life without which I would not be the person I am today. Nevertheless, if truth be told, it was the many sacrifices and denying of herself in various areas that placed my mother at a place of honor above my father. I well remember my mother coming to my rescue when I attended college and sending me money and clothes that I knew she could not afford, due to her tight budget and other obligations. Time would fail me to tell of the many other sacrifices she made for me, as well as my siblings in various areas because she wanted to see us succeed in our marriages, businesses, and call to ministry. She is emblematic of all of the mothers who have gone out of their way, denied themselves, and made great sacrifices for their children’s well-being.
Mothers Never Stop Loving Their Children
I have heard of fathers getting upset and disappointed at their son or daughter to the degree of not speaking to them. Worse, I have heard of fathers whose love turned into hatred and hostility because their child had shamed the family through committing some detestable, wicked, and illegal act. Contrarily, I have yet to meet a mother who stopped loving their son or daughter because of their depravity or rebellion. I have seen them hurt and broken hearted by the stubbornness and defiance of their children, but the flame of their love never went out.
I have presented to you today why mothers are honored above fathers in our culture. Is this the way God intended it to be? Certainly not! It is what it is because for the most part (and there are exceptions) men have failed in their responsibilities as fathers and primary caregivers. If fathers ever expect to receive equal esteem from their children as they give to their mothers, then fathers must begin to give equally of their time, love, and themselves, as mothers have always done.
