I recently had a brief conversation with one of my brothers about the role that our father had on our lives. Our father loved to boast and say to his siblings and others that he knew how to raise boys. Seeing that we had only one sister (who was sheltered and cherished by all of her eight brothers), my father naturally felt that it was primarily his influence and somewhat intimidating presence that kept us in line while we were growing up. Though I can not put forth an argument that would refute his opinion to being a man who knew how to rear boys, I can truthfully say that had it not been for my mother’s prayers and continual encouragement and support given to us in every area of positive, productive, and progressive pursuit, none of us would have ever achieved success in our lives. In giving my mother her rightful due and respect, it is certainly not a repudiation of the foundational role my father played in my life. Contrarily and to his honor, it is a posthumous attempt to bestow upon my father, Nathaniel Jim Goings, further respect and honor.
How to Avoid Some of My Father’s Failings
I have adopted a principle that I have endeavored to live by for many years. I do not remember where I first heard or read about it. It is called the “law of reverse application.” Reverse application simply means that you reverse or do the opposite of some negative or evil action or behavior that someone perpetrated. I am truly trying to learn from people I have read about in Scripture, history, and contemporary figures in the news, who have done some grievous and wicked things. I am striving to learn from both the positives, as well as the negatives that were evident in the lives of both biblical and historical characters like Abraham, Moses, David, Solomon, Peter, Paul, Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and many others. Like them, my father was a man who had feet of clay and many flaws and defects in his character. So, in a true sense, I have learned to benefit from his failings by not being an imitator of them, but by doing the opposite.
How to Respect My Elders and Authority
Certainly, my father must be given his props for being the primary person who instilled within my brothers and me the principle and practice of respecting both our elders and people in authority like teachers, preachers, policemen, and etc.
This lesson started with the enforcement of us learning to respect and submit to both my father and mother. In our house, there was no back-talk, sassing, or going off in a tantrum. We dared not do it because to do so would invoke the wrath and rod of my father. Even to this day, the lesson that my father taught me in regard to respecting my elders and authority is still in effect. I dread to say what would have happened to me, when I was growing up as, arguably, the most mischievous and audacious brother in the clan. It was not the fear of getting caught or suffering the consequences of my misdeeds. It was the fear of my father and his belt (that he was an expert at using as a rod of discipline).
The Work Ethic
One of the most important lessons that I learned from my parents, especially my father, was the work ethic. This principle is one that instilled in every one the necessity that every able-bodied person, who is old enough, must work and fend for themselves.
It is a principle and practice that God initiated for man when He made him and set him in the Garden of Eden to tend and keep it (Genesis 2:15). In the New Testament, it states that if a person will not work, neither shall he eat (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Though my father was not a preacher, he firmly believed in the work ethic and practiced, instilled, and enforced it in his sons. It has proven to be very essential and practical in my life and helped my bothers and me to be law abiding and productive citizens.
How to Organize and Lead Men
I have come to believe that one of the important lessons that I learned from my father was how to organize and lead men. He was able to organize and work many African American men and, in the process, helped them to provide for their families for well over 50 years. In a time when it was hard for them to find jobs in Dillon County, my father employed more of them than any other African American employer in the history of the county. His ability to organize and lead the men on his job was definitely something I learned from him that is serving me well as a pastor and bishop.
That You Are Never Too Old to Change
One of the last lessons that my father taught me eleven months before he died was that one is never too old to change. My father, who had resisted change and amending his ways, made a drastic change that was very evident to all who knew him. He gave his life to Jesus Christ and immediately renounced his vices and immoral ways. For the last eleven months of his life, he lived a model Christian life that blessed his children and grandchildren.
How to Die
with Dignity
The final lesson that my father taught me was how to die with dignity. During the last stages of his life and knowing that he was dying from prostate cancer (that had spread throughout much of his body), I never heard him complain. Though he was experiencing excruciating pain (in spite of the morphine that he was taking) and he would occasionally release a low groan, his spirit and attitude remained positive, joyful, and hopeful in the fact that he would soon be with the Lord.
His final words to me was that he was looking forward to going to be with his Lord.
